A new school year was about to begin, and two students were giving each other their sad goodbyes.
"I'm really going to miss you!" Oswald Cobblepot sobbed in a squawking sort of way. This was one of the reasons he was called the Penguin. His tears fogged up his monocle.
"I'll miss you too!" cried Edward Nygma, also known as the Riddler.
"Are you sure you can't transfer to Gotham High?" the Penguin asked.
"My parents won't let me," replied the Riddler. "But I promise to visit you every weekend."
"I love you, Ed," the Penguin sniffled.
"I love you too, Ozzy. See you Friday," answered the Riddler.
Both students then shared a tearful kiss as they parted ways to their respective schools.
A boy with a wide grin and colorful hair walked up next to Oswald. "You new here, too?"
The Penguin nodded. "My name's Penguin."
The other boy smiled. "I'm the Joker. I'll be your new roommate."
It was the beginning of Winter Break, and Edward Nygma was invited to Cobblepot Mansion for a sleepover. His face was flushed, and he seemed breathless. He rang the doorbell.
His boyfriend Oswald Cobblepot opened the door and gasped. "Good heavens, Ed! What happened to your face?!"
Edward groaned. "I've been walking through a blizzard for twenty minutes, Oz. There's no way I can get a ride in this weather."
Oswald led Edward inside. "Come on in. I'll make you some tea and get the fire started."
Later, after Ed changed into his warm pajamas and joined his boyfriend by the fire, he began to shiver.
"I'm still cold", he whimpered.
Oswald took a sip of his tea and then pulled out a big fluffy coat. He wrapped Ed in it like a blanket. "Here, this should help," said Oswald.
Edward looked impressed. "What a beautiful coat! Where did you get it?"
Oswald smiled. "Mama bought it all the way from London. You can borrow it."
Ed beamed. "Thank you so much!"
The two eventually fell asleep on the floor, curled up under the coat.
School had let out for Spring Break. Edward Nygma was in a hurry to hang out with Oswald. He wanted to get home because it was raining.
"Where the heck is he?" Ed wondered. He began to search for Oswald.
Oswald was standing under a tree, his arm outstretched. A blue jay was perched on his wrist. His umbrella which also worked as a gun was opened over him and the bird.
Oswald looked up at Edward. "I was just protecting this little beauty from the storm", he said.
Ed put the bird back in its nest. "Come on, Ozz. We're getting a hurricane. Let's go." He grabbed Oswald's flipper as the two ran to the bus station.
Oswald scoffed after they paid and sat down. "A little low-class for me, but it's better than being knocked over by wind." As a pompous rich child, Oswald wasn't used to taking the bus.
Edward shrugged. "How was I supposed to know your limo broke down?"
Oswald sighed. "Let's just make the best of it." He put his arm around Ed, and they were snuggled up all the way home.
Summer vacation had just begun, and the two boys were ready for some fun in the warm weather. Oswald had changed into his swimsuit and was admiring himself in the mirror.
"Everyone says I'm a fat hairy monster, but I don't care." He whipped out his cigarette holder and took a few puffs.
Edward frowned. "You really shouldn't smoke, Pengy."
"Relax, I've been cutting back." He flipped his long hair and tied it back into a ponytail.
He then looked over at Ed. "Why do you still have your shirt on? We're going swimming."
Ed looked uneasy. "I'm... uh... uncomfortable with my body."
Oswald raised an eyebrow, almost causing his monocle to fall off. "You? You're as thin as a twig!"
"You don't know the half of it..." Ed mumbled.
Oswald tugged at Ed's shirt. "Come on, let's see that beautiful body."
Ed struggled. "No!--"
But it was too late. The shirt was off.
Oswald gazed at Ed's thin stomach and tiny chest. "Oh my," he gasped.
Ed rolled his eyes. "I have anorexia, okay? Let's not make a big deal about it."
Oswald was shocked. "This is a VERY big deal, Eddy! You'll look like a jaundiced corpse, your teeth and hair will fall out, your gums will bleed, you'll be so weak you can't even STAND UP, and the doctors will have to feed you through a TUBE! Is that what you want?!"
Ed cried. "I don't wanna die! But riddle me this: how am I supposed to stay thin?"
"I'm kind of the wrong person to ask for this, because well, look at me," replied Oswald, pointing to his big belly. "But you can start by eating and exercising regularly." He then burst into tears. "I don't want to lose you..."
"Okay, we'll grab lunch and then go swimming. But no raw fish. I hate it when that ooze comes out of your mouth," said Edward.
"WAK! You're not the only one with problems," grumbled Oswald.
After lunch, the two boys headed to the pool.
Oswald lusted over how shapely some of the girls looked in their swimsuits. He licked his lips at Catwoman, who glared at him.
He took a sip of his smoothie and rubbed his boyfriend's shins. "I'm a sucker for smooth legs. Even that Dick Grayson rugrat." He knew Ed liked to feel more comfortable in his clothes.
Ed blushed and patted Oswald's stomach. "I guess chub isn't so bad after all."
"All right, my little nightingale. Let's go swimming," said Oswald.
Later, the two relaxed in the hot tub to warm up after swimming in the chilly water.
Oswald kissed Ed's neck. He was the perfect height for it, although his nose often got in the way. "That was nice. Too bad we won't see each other as much once school starts."
"Now let's not ruin the romantic evening by stressing about the future," said Ed. He gazed into Oswald's creepy blue-green eyes.
"Okay, but I am NOT switching over to Superhero High, no matter how hot Selina is," retorted Oswald.
Edward gave him a nudge in the ribs, to which Oswald replied "Just kidding."
But he then said under his breath "The Kabuki Twins are hotter anyway. Wak wak wak..."